Confessions of a 'military spouse'

(My Pilot)

Those two words 'military spouse' create a variety of emotions for me, mainly they are proud, annoyed, strong, and tired. I first want say, this is not meant to be a pitty party!! I just wanted to share and encourage.

I have realized these past couple months with Josh gone that I have good days and bad days. This weekend was pushing, lets say, 'not-so-good' days. It's not like miserable, sit in all day and cry days, but it just makes me feel like having them. That thought process is close enough to a bad day for me. I don't really give myself the time or energy to crash and burn. I try to remain a positive person. I cannot stand those that continually complain about a deployment they knew was going to come eventually. I surround myself with positive, encouraging people. Anyways...

I had an absolute blast catching up with our Mississippi/Purdue friends Paul and Gretchen. Paul was running an Ironman in Oklahoma City and they were kind enough to invite me up there not only to cheer on Paul but to keep Gretchen entertained. It was so much fun, but I found myself missing Josh more than I have so far this deployment. I think I finally figured out why. I was surrounded with people yelling and cheering for their family members in the race and it was amazing to experience. You could feel the determination, support and love everywhere, incredibly overwhelming.

However, it just made me realize that the biggest part of my family, my husband, was making me proud everyday, doing something not many have the ability to do. I would give anything to stand on a sideline and cheer him on each step of the way, I'd even settle for ONE checkpoint. Obviously, this is impossible to do. But words cannot describe how much I care for him and how truly proud I am of him. I never thought that the hardest part of the deployment would be longing to just physically touch him. Just a hug, a kiss, holding hands, anything! I thought the hardest part would be sleeping alone, or coming home to an empty house, road trips alone, chores alone, yard work alone, but obviously I was wrong. Those are an absolute breeze in comparison.

As a want-to-be-optimist, I think this is good for our relationship as I hope it will really make us cherish the year he is home before he heads off again. So, just remember to enjoy those little things everyday. I know it's not easy, and it's very cliche, but don't take advantage of the little things in a relationship! Some people long for them :)