...Spring Break!...

Just kidding, we don't get a spring break, but everyone is talking about it on blogs and facebook.
I'm super jealous!

...When you obey God...

Great things happen.

Look closely and you will see me!

Brace yourself, this is a long post...

For nearly 4 years I have felt a calling to be involved in the worship ministry. The call first started in Wichita, in our tiny church of 50 people. I ignored the call because I was "too busy" with school. Then the call came again when we moved to Mississippi in a slightly larger church. I ignored it then too, mainly because I was scared and didn't want to believe that God was calling me to do it. Then, we moved to Abilene. The calling was louder than ever but for the past two years I kept telling myself, there is no way you will ever be good enough to sing in front of a couple thousand people. That's right, our services are huge!! Our sanctuary holds something like 3,000 people.

So, every year I do the typical New Year's Resolution, just for fun. I can't really remember following through on any of them, but this year I had no excuse not to, I wanted to join the worship team! From January 1st, I prayed and prayed about it, and even contacted the worship leader but I only asked about playing keyboard because it seemed like an easy way to participate, but still be in the background. When, in reality, I knew I really wanted to sing. Singing was the only thing that felt natural to me. I knew I was no super star by any means, but it was something I felt I could actually do. Something I could consider a gift to be proud of.

I kept praying, and about a week later there was a "worship audition" blurb in the church bulletin! I couldn't believe it! I battled the thought that maybe, just maybe, the Lord really wants me to do this? And now!? I was uncertain if I really wanted to audition, how nerve wrecking, singing in front of a group of people I didn't know. Plus, Josh was due back soon and we had vacations planned and it would be so much easier to turn it down. On top of that, the audition paper work was rather lengthy, over 5 pages of thought-provoking questions. Thankfully, I had been out of school just long enough to be slightly excited for another assignment. So I prayed for answers and throughout the following week I had completed the application (or at least thought I had).

The night before auditions I was filled with so much nervousness, I could not sleep. I couldn't tell if it was a good nervous or bad nervous, but something didn't feel right. Finally, around 1 am (on a work night!) I was so wide awake yet exhausted, I had to ask God to help me sleep. I felt led to look at my application, and thankfully I did. I had left 3 questions completely blank! I had been stuck on them throughout the week and apparently decided I would do them later, whoops! Surprisingly, about a half hour later the questions were completed and I was sleeping so peacefully.

Auditions went well, I sang "Healer" and I loved it. I had to sing on stage, in a mic, and in front of about 25 people who all sang really well. To be honest, all my nerves disappeared once I got up there. The audience was gone, and I was just singing to my God, He was my audience. I knew, no matter if I was good, or bad, God would enjoy my worship. I could not explain the elation I had after the audition! I felt like I had completely broken the chain Satan allowed me to have over my confidence. I sat down, closed my eyes and praised God, I wanted to cry I was so happy. I had done something I had been longing to do! Something I daydreamed about all the time. Something I never thought I would ever have the courage to do. I told myself, even if I didn't make it, the audition alone was completely worth it!

Needless to say, it was a long week awaiting 'results'. I prayed over and over, "Lord, I want to be apart of that team, I want to feel that excitement again through worship!" A week later, I received an email welcoming me to the worship team. I was ecstatic! The worship leader had a vision of creating a choir of about 10-15 people, and I would be in that choir. Even more, I was selected to be an Alto section leader, singing on a mic in front of the choir. Our worship team is made up of a leader, 4 main singers on mics, 3 section leaders on mics, a small choir, and of course, many instruments.

The leader had mentioned that if the main singers were absent, the section leader would take their place. Before I even had a chance to sing as section leader, one of the main singers was out and I was chosen to take their place! This is secretly what I really wanted, yes, I wanted to be apart of the choir, but I felt God wanted me to sing at least once, front and center. This past Sunday, that's what He got. I felt nervous, yet at peace, at the same time. I did it! I sang in front of the church, friends, and even Josh! My friends (and Josh of course) were all very supportive and encouraging and I couldn't thank them enough for it. I loved it, mission accomplished! I can go back to being a part of the choir and being in the background. I'm not a huge fan of being in the center of attention.

Then....this evening I got an email asking me to sing lead again this weekend, and the weekend Josh's parents are in town. Amazing!